Thursday, July 20, 2006

A3 - Questions of Self Worth - Richard

Since discovering your own infertilty how has your own view of what it means to be a man changed? Do you believe using another man's sperm changes your view?

I'm not your typical macho guy, so generally such things don't bother me. Would I be less of a man if I brought up a child that my wife might hypothetically have had from a previous relationship? I think not.

To be honest I think I can honestly answer this question with a simple no. Being infertile has not effected my own view of my masculinity, my virilty, my sexuality or any other part of those things that society typically associates with being a man.

That said, I think I can understand how people brought up in a different way might feel very differently. If I wasn't comfortable being open about such things I might believe the myth that producing a few sperm cells could define my manhood. Infertility and the requirement to effectively bring a 3rd person into your marriage can be very disturbing if the two of you don't sit down and discuss with each other how you really feel about it and what you're afraid that it might change.

I'll answer this question with another question. Who is more of a man? The guy who gets a woman pregnant and then walks away because he can't handle the commitment or the guy who says I'm man enough to handle doing whatever it takes to give my wife and I the chance to raise a family together. I know which one I'd rather be.

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