Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Blog on Temp Hiatus and Looking for Writers

This blog is temporarily on hiatus as the participants are working on a related project.

Are you a man who is experiencing male factor infertility and is considering using DI or has to create your family? Would you be interested in writing about your experiences? If you are please contact me at the e-mail address posted on my profile.

Friday, October 20, 2006

A7 - Told Your Family?

The question is actually have you told your family that your kids will be or are DI and how did you tell them? For that matter how open have you been in telling family, friends, or even co-workers?

We told our parents during the Christmas holiday, about two months before the birth. My parents, we just simply told them that we used a donor. My father-in-law is almost completely deaf, so we printed out a sort of DI fact sheet, and handed it to him to read as we told my mother-in-law, so he would have an idea of what was being discussed. We thought it was important to explain the situation before the birth.

My wife’s closest sister was also told before the birth. As for other siblings, telling them coincided with the publication of the June 2006 USA Today article in which I was quoted. We had to tell at some point, and the article was a good ice breaker. Everyone we have told has been supportive.

We have told no one else, other than family that we used DI. I know that it’s nothing to hide, or nothing to be ashamed of, but we have decided to keep it private at this point.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Q7: Told Your Family?

The question is actually have you told your family that your kids will be or are DI and how did you tell them? For that matter how open have you been in telling family, friends, or even co-workers?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

A6 - Thoughts of the Donor - Richard

When you think of the donor what are your thoughts? Do you find him threatening in any manner? How would you react if your child [children] indicates they want to find the donor?

I'd be lying if I said that I'm pleased that he was ever needed to help create my family, but at the same time I recognise what an incredible gift he has given us and, above all I feel like I will never be able to thank him enough for what he has given us. I have the fears that I suspect most men in my position have but I also know, deep down, that those fears are unfounded.

One thing that I find myself wondering a great deal is how old our donor is. I know that in reality it makes no difference. It will be twenty years before we are in a position that we can even try to find him. But at the same time I'm intrigued to know whether or not he and I are of the same generation or whether he is considerably younger than I am and we share little in the way of common experiences.

I have almost no doubt that my children will want to find him and the thought does not particularly worry me. I have always figured that if I live under the assumption that they will want to find him then, if they do not, it will have much less of an impact on me. If I were them, I would want to find him and find out the kind of person that he is.

Above all I hope that one day he is a man that I can call a friend.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

A6 - Thoughts of the Donor - Bob

When you think of the donor what are your thoughts? Do you find him threatening in any manner? How would you react if your child [children] indicates they want to find the donor?

My thoughts regarding the donor is that he was a college kid, about 11 years my junior looking to make some cash by “donating” sperm. I know that the donation process was not simple, and there were many hoops to jump through, so it wasn’t a quick cash endeavor by any means. Also, I guess there was some element of altruism, and a desire to help a family such as mine, but I expect he wouldn’t have provided the sperm without the cash payment.

We’ve heard his recorded interview now, and he seems like a good person, with a solid outlook on life. I don't find him threatening in the least. I just find it a bit disheartening that he is so young; that I needed help from someone in his early twenties to build my family.

As for my reaction if Dori would want to find him, I don’t know. We’ve entered into a contract of anonymity of sorts. My wife, the donor and I agreed to anonymity. Dori did not. I have to imagine that by donating sperm, the donor carries a certain degree of risk that the children created by the donation will be curious about their identity in the future.

If Dori were interested in finding out who he is, and contacting him, I would help her all I could, after she has reached the age of 18. But, I won’t be taking any preemptive measures to identify him before that. I intend to honor his wish for anonymity, until Dori makes an adult decision otherwise.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Q6: Thoughts of the Donor

When you think of the donor what are your thoughts? Do you find him threatening in any manner? How would you react if your child [children] indicates they want to find the donor?

Monday, August 28, 2006

A5 - Position on Disclosure / Openness - Bob

What is your position on disclosure / openness with your children re DI? And if you do disclose at what age would you think appropriate to tell the children?

I ditto what Richard has said. In fact, I have told Dori that she is DI conceived, but at six months of age, she obviously has no way of understanding what I've said. But, I don't make a regular practice of it. Yes, I can see how doing that on a regular basis would make it easier for us as she grows to an age of comprehension.

My elder daughter, Addy, is four. We have not told her yet that she is a product of ICSI/ZIFT. In fact, it may be time to do that. Please note that this is not something we're trying to hide at all. In fact, it's so common that it doen't seem an out of the ordinary way to be conceived.

So, I'd have to say that it's easy to say that we are pro-disclosure, but fitting it into real life is a bit more challenging. Especially since we don't define our kids as being "ICSI/ZIFT" conceived or "DI" conceived.