Monday, August 14, 2006

A 4 - Single Biggest Fear Regarding DI - Bob

What is your single biggest fear and why regarding the use of donor insemination in creating your family?

My single biggest fear in using DI to help build our family lies in the fact that we have an older non-DI conceived daughter. My older daughter, Addy, was conceived via ICSI-ZIFT almost five years ago. The reasons we decided to use DI for our second daughter, Dori, include a second failed IVF procedure, and a realization that our first success was unlikely to repeat. Other factors include the physical and mental difficulties that accompany IVF, and cost.

So, that brings me back to my fear. What will Dori think as she grows to realize that her sister is fully genetically related to me, and she is not? That was the biggest reason that I initially hesitated even to attempt DI, and when I did consent to DI, that I wanted to keep closed mouthed about it. Yep, at first I was completely against disclosure. Keep it a secret. Don’t tell anyone, especially the baby.

Well, anyone who is familiar with my openness now, through my writings on this blog, or on the Yahoo! Group, or my interview with USA Today, can probably piece together that I have changed my thinking regarding disclosure. I now feel that the importance in being honest with Dori overrides my selfish desire to hide the truth surrounding her conception. But, in the back of my mind, I still wonder how the fact that she does not share genes with me, while her sister does will affect her.

While I am convinced that openness is the best option, my fear is still present. I have reserved myself to love Dori (and Addy) unconditionally. My hope is that unconditional love, and open and honest dialogue will prove that we did the best we could in building our family.

2 Comments:

Blogger DI_Dad said...

I think that unconditional love will show you the best path.

I would suggest an occasional self check to ensure no slippage regarding the two. You might want to see if there is any literature regarding when families adopt after having bio children as there are definite similarities.

Again as long as we love our kids they should be fine.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

Thanks for that comment, Eric.

5:39 AM  

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